i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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