Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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