so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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