the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
