I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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