We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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