I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
