Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
