I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
