hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
