You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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