All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
