playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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