i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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