He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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