found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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