I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
