Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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