Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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