when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
