I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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