i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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