here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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