I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
