so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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