dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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