the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
