I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
