Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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