just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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