If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
