Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
