get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it hurts more in the daytime
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
