She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
