hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
