Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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