Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
