Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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