someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
