I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
