I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
