I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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