I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
