Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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