Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
