dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
