I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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