I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
