the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
