In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
