why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
