I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
