you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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