nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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