I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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