mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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