you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Randomize
