Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
