I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
