The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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