Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
