my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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