were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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